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Shameful | Brian Puspos

Racism. Police brutality. War. Sexual Predators. Death. Covid. Children locked in cages. Unemployment. Black people still being lynched. Donald Trump. and the list continues. Like everyone I too am emotionally lost and exhausted. I don’t know where to put my attention anymore. It’s been difficult to be motivated to do anything outside of trying to help. The fight for change must go on though! After weeks of being creatively numb, I finally found some strength to channel all of these emotions into what I know best. This song sparked something in me. @kehlani released this song after a public break up back in February. Which is already powerful in its original context. This song popped up on my playlist as I was driving home from a protest this month. The words and tone were hitting me in a different way. I couldn’t believe how I was interpreting this song that has been on replay for months now. I couldn’t help but think of the imagery that you see behind me in this piece. I started to realize that pain, anger, and shame was the connection between the song and how I felt about the current state of America, and in some ways, myself. I lightly choreographed this piece because I wanted the majority of the piece to be in the moment. Thank you to @hellojohnkim for aligning with my vision and collaborating with me on this. I am grateful for your patience. I don’t know if this will impact anything or anyone but I know I needed to empty out these feelings into something purposeful. I hope using my art and platform for something bigger than myself inspires even one person out there to do the same. The last few months has taught me a lot and completely changed me. I didn’t expect to grow again at 34, but it was necessary. I will continue to pray for healing and pray that we get through this on the other side less divided with more understanding. Then hopefully we can live in a time where we can start be proud and not ashamed. Love.

Performance by Brian Puspos
Shot and edited by @hellojohnkim @jucelandrin_
Song by @kehlani

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